I'm having one of those weeks (thanks to hormones) when I just want to chuck the whole healthy-living, organic-eating, Waldorf homeschooling, supermom crap out the bloody window! I mean, don't we all have these days when we want to stick the kids in the local public school, spend a week getting our house REALLY (and I mean REALLY) clean, actually have all the grocery shopping completed and the meals cooked and the floors clean ALL AT THE SAME TIME??? When we can induldge in our cramps without feeling like a shitty mom because the kids sit in front of Mary Poppins all morning? I mean, I don't remember the last time my toenails were polished, and this coming from a girl who graduated from USC and always had perfect pedicures.
I'm not really going to change any of those things, because truly my life is wonderful and I am blessed to be able to live this way. BUT I do see the ways that I make our lives harder than the norm. And on these days, the thing that comes to mind most, that which Screams In My Ears, is "forget Waldorf!!" I actually really love Waldorf, but it can be so damned hard to be THAT mother. I had a wonderful discussion with a Waldorf advisor this week and she was talking about how important it is for the kids to see parents as the Rock - strong, stable, right, carrying the forms, etc. And I had to look at her and say that, in my experience, that just isn't possible for most homeschoolers. I mean, first off, we give up the second income that pays for the full-time babysitter or nanny; second, as immigrants, we have no grandparents or aunties to help, and DH goes to work. When I fall apart, or lose my cool, or sit crying for days because my grandmother died, my kids are right there with me. There is no school to ship them to, so that they can see Mommy being composed all the time. And today, as Biggie went to put clean FOLDED clothes into dirty clothes basket, I completely frigging lost my temper....because there is an element to homeschooling that turns us into 24hour a day slaves and the happy-happy- singsongness of Waldorf just ain't gonna cut it at all times!
There, I think I'm done. I'm just gonna stop there while the ranting is fresh and completed and I don't start dredging up other things to complain about.
Back to my silent blog.